Updated: Jul 12
Hey, welcome to another blog post about dating-apps! My name is James Langton, I was on the official Tinder Top 30 most 'Right-Swiped' list of 2019.
I am the founder of Dater Help, a service where I improve your dating-app profile for more matches and dates, by selecting + retouching your photos and writing you a highly personal bio. I also offer dating-app coaching via Zoom.
Here are the best pick up lines for Tinder in 2020...
I feel this is a slight clickbait because what I am about to suggest is slightly different from what you will usually find when it comes to Tinder advice.
Chat-up lines are really outdated when it comes to speaking with someone you find attractive because they go back to times even before the internet and approaching someone in a bar, who most likely had 0 interest in you.
This is 2020 (which also happens to be the craziest year ever) and chat-up lines are still outdated, let's scrap them completely. Right here, right now.
Imagine you are sitting there and your phone suddenly 'pings' that infamous sound that is a Tinder notification. You pick your phone up and check your notification to see that someone has messaged you a 'Copy + Paste' chat-up line they have found online. Another low effort message from a dating-app, another person you don't want to speak to or meet.
You read it, take another look at their profile, and then proceed to lock your phone again.
If you've ever sent a chat-up line, you will have been on the receiving end of this. You will have been ignored on all dating-apps, not just Tinder. You're probably sitting there thinking "Woah, how does he know that!?" Well, everyone gets ignored on dating-apps at some point, but those who send chat-up lines get ignored a whole lot more. I regularly speak with guys who open up to me about not receiving any messages back on Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, etc. Apart from their profile not being great (I can make it amazing) what they are messaging their matches is the 2nd reason why they aren't successful on their chosen app(s).
Instead of the chat-up lines you have clicked this blog post in search of, I'd like to equip you with a structure and a few skills that have helped me and many of my clients to reach their dating-app goals; better conversations and more dates.
I feel it is important to say that many people are on dating-apps for vanity and many just aren't interested in speaking to other people. No amount of well crafted first message will ever get a response from these people, it's just a case of moving on and not letting it get you down. You will never have a 100% response rate. I still get ignored on Tinder, and I was one of the most right-swiped people on the platform, if you want the proof everyone gets ignored.
Tip: Act fast with the first message
As soon as you match with someone (on any dating-app, not just Tinder) you want to message them ASAP.
Because they have just viewed your profile and you are still fresh in their mind. Whatever idea you have in your head about waiting until the next day or waiting for your match to message you, forget it, this isn't 2004 anymore where you have to wait 3 days until you message someone when they give you their number. Even if you receive the match and message straight away, this is completely fine.
Tip: Send a question that you actually care about
Let's get this out the way... "hey, you ok?" is the worst thing you can send. I bet you've sent it before and you've definitely received it before. How did those dates go? Yup, they didn't, because you never met, because you never got past 2 or 3 messages.
Why should you not send "hey, you ok?" as a first message? Here are 3 reasons why, actually...
Every other person on every dating app sends that message
Why would they tell you how they are, they don't even know you
It evokes no reaction other than "Yeah good thanks. You?" and the convo is well and truly dead
What to send instead...
Guys, a quick bit of advice. I see so many people going way too 'Masculine' on dating-apps. You aren't trying to dominate someone or intimidate them, you are just trying to spark a friendly chat on dating-apps. Don't send anything sexual or intimidating, you'll be met with a roll-eye and you'll be ignored at best and unmatched at worst. Seriously, follow this advice and you will notice a difference. I feel a lot of the advice online about Tinder is mostly useless because the people who are writing the content don't actually know what they are talking about. They will be giving you advice that works for them, but not for others. The advice I'm giving you worked for me and it works for my clients because it's a structure to use and not a Copy + Paste message. It will 100% work for you.
I can't give you a simple Copy + Paste answer, because they isn't one! Instead, I want you to go to a recent match you are planning on messaging, and really look at their profile, spend just over a minute looking through their info. Look at every photo, their bio, their Instagram, and even their Spotify Anthem, their location, and even what they do for a job/study.
Done this? Good! Now we can move on to the messages. Here's a few examples of messages that have converted into amazing conversations that have all lead to dates.
"Hey, *their name*! ☺️ Thanks for matching.
I was just checking out your bio and saw that you ride horses? My Mum used to keep horses when we were young, I haven't ridden in years! How many horses do you have?"
"Hey, *their name*! ☺️ Thanks for matching with me.
The party in your 3rd pic looks amazing! I've always wanted to go on a boat like that, can you just turn up and pay!?"
Hey, *their name*! ☺️ Thanks for matching with me.
I probably wouldn't admit it to my friends, but I'm also a huge George Michael fan. I know the lyrics to Careless Whisper. Which is your favourite song?
See how non-intimidating and friendly those messages were? This is your aim! Positive, friendly, approachable, and interested in your match is how you spark a great conversation which will easily lead to moving off-app and then a date soon after! Don't worry if they aren't the most 'masculine' or 'powerful' message. The narrative that guys have been giving each other over stuff like that is pretty toxic and won't help you in the slightest for actually speaking with a match and organising an amazing date.
There aren't any tricks, hacks or shortcuts when it comes to dating-apps. You have to put in the effort and appreciate you are dealing with real people, who are all different and you should be respectful of that. The strategy examples I have given above will gain you far more successful than any Copy + Paste Tinder opening messages you have found online. I promise.
The takeaway from this blog on chat-up lines in 2020? Don't use them. Instead...
. Pay interest to your match
. Don't go too 'masculine' with your messages
. Send longer messages that are personal
You've made it to the bottom of this blog post - congratulations!
Hopefully, you won't mind me plugging the services I offer...
Dating-app profile enhancement - I select and retouch your photos + write you a new bio. Designed for more matches on any dating-app.
Dating-app coaching - You can book yourself a Zoom session with me. I find out where you could be going wrong with dating-apps and improve things for you. If you're not receiving any matches, or struggling to organise any dates, this is the service for you.
Also, I created this video a while ago for those of you who are not receiving any matches or messages on Tinder. You could have been shadowbanned...